I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
tonight lets celebrate not being married
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
