pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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