So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
