i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
