I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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