I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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