I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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