What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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