this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
