So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
if only i could text you this smell
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
