I met the friendliest cop last night
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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