I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i've created a new STD.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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