She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
