We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
