so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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