I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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