I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
