the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think I sprained my soul last night
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Text me some of your sweat
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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