Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
