im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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