im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
