I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
