I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
