I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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