I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
