i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
