So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
