There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
