He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
