halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
