what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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