im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
