I am puke
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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