Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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