Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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