is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can you bring me the toilet please
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
