I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
