The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
