Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
