the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
