Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
