After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
