dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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