Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
