well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
