Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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