Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
