hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
