It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
