you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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