Whod you bang
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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