We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
