My room smells like vodka and shame
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
