We named our party play list daddy issues
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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