there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
