if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
