Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The ass gains better be worth it
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