If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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