Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
