Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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